“This is the ‘Madison Square Garden’ of Gurgitation”. This is the era of the ‘Eater’. ‘The passion is raw but the ribs are cooked’, barked the announcer of this wild and messy rib eating challenge of greatness. This contest was for the ‘Rib Eater of the Free World! Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut would use his famous ‘Shimmy Shank ‘ eating technique to try to save his 'World’ title of rib eating master. He had to prove his mettle against other heavy weighta of the elite trencherman society of hero’s. Hero’s, because these food warriors are not mambly, pambly, petiole oil wearing, vegan, locavore, humbly raised, grass fed, happy and free range, eating fraternity/sorority of misfit politically correct food freaks. (Did I forget anybody?) Joey’s main adversary was Pat “Deep Dish’ Bertollieti. These two swine rib eating warriors battled at the Rib Cook off in Sparks Nevada and we were there to witness culinary history.
The thermometer was a cool eighty five degrees minutes before this amazing competition. Joey cruised through out the crowd, meeting and greeting his adoring fans before mounting the stage of palatable consumption. The clock ticked closer and closer to the opening bell. The competitors took their place on the stage. The announcer whipped the crowd into a frenzy with his snappy and relevant digestible and dietary verse. The bell rang and for the next 12 minutes; ribs, sweat, froth, barbeque sauce, and pure pork emotion swept the arena. This was true non pasteurized sport and competition at its savory best.
Joey Chestnut consumed 7.6 pounds of cooked pork ribs. He beat Pat Bertollieti by almost a whole pound. Two thousand five hundred dollars was awarded to our champion and hero. The crowd witnessed gurgitation greatness. We are proud to say we were there!
9 comments:
The antithesis of "slow food." I prefer your approach to ribs in your judging role - savor and notice the differences.
Not... Gonna... Comment...
Except to say your writing was delicious.
Zoomie, I love slow food but also like having fun. Stay tuned for more rib fun.
cookiecrumb. I know you do not like mass quantities of consumption. Ms. Goofy and I were observers of a food extravaganza.
This is one of your finest posts.
I've never agreed with the "food athlete" label, but being able to win 2500 bucks for eating ribs whilst looking like you barfed all over your shirt....
Dayum that's awesome!
Greg, The technical 'Eater' term is "Reversal of Fortune" and Thanks!
I love Reno/Sparks. I wonder if they sign a waiver of liability if choking on food? Keep you hands and fingers away from the moving parts!
Hmmm it ate my comment. Maybe Joey inhaled it.
I would be miserable if I a third of what he ate.
Yeah !!! Excellent recount my good man. Good to know Joey is still packing it down, all is right with the world.
xo, Biggles
Greg, Sparks is a great place to have this cook-off. Reasonable rooms rates and plenty of places to sin.
Chris, I wonder sometimes how they do it with out having to have a Reversal of Fortune after the contest. A lot of the pro competitors are not large people. I would like to believe practice, practice, practice.
Reverend, Want to go on a Meat Adventure next week?
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